Starting Again

The alarm is set for 3:30 in the morning.  We have set a time that we need to leave. All day I have been sorting, organizing, packing, taking care of one last thing, saying good-bye. It is 10:30 at night. I am running out of time.

All day, and still, I feel this need to finish things before I leave Louisiana. A part of me feels sad that a chapter in my life is finishing. It wasn’t a chapter that I wanted to end. I actually have become so use to trying to hang on to it that I have forgotten what it is like to look forward.

In the stress of trying to get everything done before the deadline I have set for myself in the morning, I had a thought. I will leave here tomorrow morning and drive for one day. Once I get there, I will have the rest of my life to finish all this. I realized that it started to feel like the beginning instead of the end.

A bit over two years ago I wrote a blog and quoted the awesome group Linkin Park’s song titled “The Hardest Part of Ending is Starting Again”. I had no idea the real truth of that phrase. I have spent so much time trying to end that I haven’t spent any on starting again.

So, although this started as my thoughts about ending a chapter, instead I find myself looking very forward to a new chapter. At this point I don’t know how the rest of my story will go and I don’t know who will be in it but it somehow feels like the beginning again  and that the last chapter of my life is over and I am moving on to a new one.

“Roo News”

Mighty Mangaroo “Roo” at the American Eventing Championships 2012.
Photo by Shannon Brinkman.

Roo is about to wrap up 2012. After a very successful year in 2011, finishing with a fantastic top finish at Fair Hill International  in the CCI**, 2012 has been a training and transitioning year as he moved up and confirmed himself at the advanced level.

Roo started the spring competing at some intermediate level events and finished 4th in the CIC** at Poplar Place in March. He debuted in the advanced level at Millbrook Horse Trials in August and completed advanced divisions at Richland Park and the American Eventing Championships in order to qualify for the CIC*** level.

“Roo” at Fairhill International CIC** 2011.
Photo by Shannon Brinkman.

Photo by Hoofpix

He competed at Poplar Place CIC*** in September.  A minor glance off at a corner combination added 20 penalties that kept him from gaining the clear round and qualifying score necessary to qualify for the CCI*** and will keep him out of Fair Hill this fall.

Although we don’t get to contest a three-star this year, I feel comfortable that we truly have a three-star horse. We have spent the last several years training to get to this point.  We can now spend the next several years perfecting it! We are spending the last few weeks of the season confirming the training from the past few months. We have been working on the nuances that differentiate between intermediate and advanced level dressage. Half pass, lead changes, collection, extensions and impulsion. We continue to work on our technique in the show jumping that is developing the strength, confidence and style that will produce clean rounds at the advanced level.

We continue to work with Buck Davidson and had the opportunity to take some dressage lessons with international judge Linda Zang. Becky Holder has been able to help with some lessons and coaching at events and her dressage expertise and competitive insight has been incredibly encouraging. We will finish next week with the opportunity to perform the dressage test ride for the CCI*** at Fair Hill which will at least give us the chance to put this work to practice and give us some invaluable insight as we go forward into next year.

Tailgate in Memory of Steve Gale

Where: Fair Hill International CCI

When: Saturday, October 15

We will have the tailgate food and beverages (bring your own too) at a spot out on the course to watch the action.

Come cheer them on!

CCI** (Roo) Starts at 9:30

CCI*** (Billy) Starts at 12:30

Follow the link to get information re directions, schedule, parking, and tickets. Lots of other fun things going on too!

See you there.

www.fairhillinternational.com

Searching for Normal

I have returned to Lafayette, LA and plan to spend the next few weeks here. With the hectic events of the past few months over, I feel like everyone’s lives are returning to normal around me.
I feel strong urges wishing I could go about my normal activities. I want to go back to all the normal things I use to do, at the normal places I would do them, with the people and friends I would normally do these things with. The realization sinks in that my normal no longer exists and will never be the same again.
Unable to go back, I find myself facing the tedious task of starting over.
Daily tasks, that at times seemed so simple, now are daunting and overwhelming in front of me. The long drives, quiet nights, hectic mornings, quiet Sunday afternoons sometimes found among the many adrenaline filled weekends are all things that bring back cherished memories but now loom ahead seemingly impossible to navigate.
There is a vacuum that exists around me now. Although I find myself pushing out of it for periods of time, just as I think everything feels okay, someone will say something familiar or a brief memory will come over me and send me back into it. This vacuum is not necessarily a sad place, just a place where my emotions, whatever they are at the time, can surface freely unaffecting to others around me.
The question surfaces, “Where is normal anyway?” Looking back, I may have always struggled with this, especially whenever attempting to define it in comparison to others standards. I don’t think normal should be a standard of which to adhere. It is something we define individually throughout the course of our lives. While some struggle to find it, others struggle to move beyond it. We all get comfortable within it. It is this comfort of normal that I strive to find again. How long this will take I have no idea. If I can’t go back, many times I wish I could skip ahead and be anywhere but here and now. I just want to feel normal again.
Lyrics to a great song claim that “the hardest part of ending is starting again”. Although I am still unsure where to start, I can only trust that as I move forward each day it will become more apparent.

Next Thoughts

Although a bit delayed, I am finally finding my thoughts about the past few weeks. Thoughts and emotions that are overwhelming, I find myself only able to deal with small pieces at a time.

What an amazing memorial service. No one could have arranged a more perfect day in a more perfect setting with the most amazing friends and family with which to share it. I remember taking a look around just before the service started and thinking once again, if anyone ever thought that Steve had nothing, just one look indicated how he had everything.

I know I didn’t have a chance to see everyone and never got to spend the time I wanted talking to those I did see, but each and every person there meant so much and gave more insight into precious memories and moments in Steve’s and my life.

These precious moments, family and friendships I am finding are incredible gifts that have been given to me that are helping me to get through the toughest moments of the past few weeks. I only hope I can find an adequate way to thank everyone and repay the thoughtfulness.

Please be patient with me as I take the time to figure out where and how my life will continue. At the moment I have returned to Louisiana. The horses are doing well and although any plans for the fall competition season have been put on hold, the spring season is not very far away and I will take the time necessary to get ready for it.

Meanwhile, please stay in touch. Keep sharing your thoughts, photos and making phone calls. I know that life is continuing on around me, and it will take me awhile to figure out where and how to continue mine. But wherever and however, I know I have a special network of clients, friends and family that will make it happen and make it fantastic again.

Thoughts From Laura

Steven had a rare passion for life that most never take time to experience. While everyone is busy trying to get ahead in life, Steve spent time making the most of it. At times it may have seemed that he had very little but in retrospect he owned an eternal wealth gained by investing in friendship and helping others, evident by the outpouring of thoughts and prayers of others at this time.

He never needed more than that and was always content with what he had. He had the natural ability to find humor in situations that seemingly went wrong. It was a rarity for him to get angry or impatient. Although I know I managed to provoke it at times, it would always be short lived and quickly forgiven.

Steven knew what was important in life – people, family and friends. It was important to him to spend time with his family and friends. He made time to enjoy the simple things and encouraged others to not complicate them.

I have often thought that many times we were trying to make Steve more like us while in retrospect we should be trying to be more like him. I always admired his sincere confidence in where he would go after death. He never hesitated, when asked to say, that he believed in God and in heaven.

Many people have asked why things like this always seem to happen to the good people. Maybe it is because they are already good enough to get to heaven and deserve better than life on this earth.

Steve always provided a calm strength that pulled us through the tough times and a simple passion for life that allowed us to enjoy the good times. I know he will still encourage us to find the same.

Laura VanderVliet Eventing Relocates to Louisiana

Maurice, LA - Aug. 5, 2010 - Jennifer Mosing, Maurice, Louisiana and Laura VanderVliet Eventing, Nottingham, Pennsylvania are pleased to announce that, effective August 1, 2010. VanderVliet's eventing operations will be based at Mosing's Sterling Silver Stables in Maurice.

Mosing owns several top event horses, including Pawlow, an 11-year-old gelding competed by Will Faudree and short-listed for the U.S. squad for the World Equestrian Games this fall. She was one of the first patron and owner members of the Professional Riders Organization. With the establishment of Sterling Silver Stables, Mosing began pursuing the development of a world-class equestrian center in Louisiana. The completely renovated facility that resulted has set the stage for bringing a top professional into her operation.

VanderVliet, who currently competes at the advanced level with the syndicated Mighty Mangaroo and Kathleen Overbaugh's King Billy, has moved all her competition horses to Sterling Silver Stables and will pursue her competitive career from there. A former assistant trainer for Scott Hassler at Hilltop Farm and Phillip Dutton at True Prospect Farm, VanderVliet has operated her own eventing business since 1998. During this period she successfully competed such upper-level horses as Irish Fling, Topspin, and Warrie Hill. In her work with Mosing, VanderVliet will be responsible for the stable's instruction and coaching program and for the training and development of horses owned by Sterling Silver Stables and its clients.

"I won't change much about my competition plans this year," said VanderVliet. "Keep an eye out for me, some Cajun food, and some fun at the big East Coast events this fall."